Meet Melody

When I was 11 this scrawny abandoned 1 year old cat found me in our yard. I fed him chicken to make friends and he was ours from that moment on. We named him Blueberry and we I moved away with my little family he joined me. We lived many happy years together and then he went to the rainbow bridge last July as a very old, very loved old man. We had recently gotten another cat, our cute fancy tuxedo boy named Norman. After Blueberry died I couldn't deal with the thought of getting another cat yet.

And so the year went. It took me a long time to even consider getting another cat. Norman seemed like he needed a kitty friend to hang with and the kids have been begging me for it. So that's how we came to get a kitten.

Please meet Melody.

 

 

A happier kitten there has never been. Living among balls and balls of yarn? Yes please.

 

 

 

She fit right in immediately, after a few days of hiding under the couch of course. We named her after River of Doctor Who (Melody Song being her given name) and she is certainly living up to the name. Makes our days more lively for sure. She spends her days curled up in Alice's arms 'being rocked like a baby' or draped across some part of my body, purring like crazy. As my Mama would say 'she gets her engine running'! You can hear those purrs from across the room. When she's awake, she is AWAKE. Wide open. Zoom zoom zoom. Norman is finely warming up to her and they play all the time, usually resulting in someone fussing over the other biting too hard. It's new and fun and we're all learning together. So that's her! The new baby. We love her lots. 



Practicing Gratitude - Miss Mae

Life has certainly been a series of ups and downs the past few years. And I am not an optimist, I have to tell ya. I'm more of realistic borderline pessimist. It is hard for me to hope for things and I don't make long term plans because I don't trust things.

I might not be very optimistic, but I am grateful. Or I try to be. There is a lot of good here. So I'm trying to make it a habit to be more thankful and to acknowledge that gratefulness. Hopefully this will be a monthly or twice monthly post.

Today, I'm dedicating this to my daughter.

I am so grateful for Alice Mae. Miss Mae. Cupcake. Alice Mayhem. Al. She is strong, fierce, cuddly, kind, devoted, artistic, bright, hilarious, an amazing dancer, curious and so much more. She fills me up. I knew she would be ferocious and wonderful from the moment I knew she was growing in me. When I see 'though she be but little, she is fierce' I immediately think of her. That is SO her.

She makes us brave. I've seen her brother blossom and open up to people because of her example. She doesn't take any crap. If Oliver picks on her, she sticks up for herself. Turn music on and she will immediately start dancing. If there's a beat, she can't help but move! Her head bobs, her fingers try to snap, her hips move. She loves the beach. We are so alike in that. Mermaids that somehow missed our calling.

 

She is absolute sass.

 



 

I'm so thankful to have her, to get to be her Mama. She is a gift.

August Makes

I feel like August was a busy crocheting month for me. It just felt like a good time to spend a lot of my day on the couch and crochet as much as possible. I've been working hard at some wintery stuff for the family. Gloves, hats, scarves, the usual suspects. Fingerless gloves are my new love. I've made 3 pairs of TARDIS fingerless gloves for my nerds and the next thing I'm going to crochet is probably going to be Iron Man gloves. Oh yeah.

The list of makes in August-

- 2 twin sized ripple blankets
- 10 preemie hats, including 2 pumpkin ones
- pumpkin hat for Alice
- 3 bow hats for Alice, 1 bow hat for our niece
- a rainbow hat for each of the kiddos
- winter set for Alice (capelet, slouch hat, mittens)
- frankenbunny
- zombie tablet case
- a bag for myself
- owl hat, zombie octopus, nerd octopus, owl bunting for a friend
- bag for my sister's birthday
- bower bird wall hanging for mom's birthday
- 3 sets of tardis fingerless gloves
- a striped pair of fingerless gloves for moi
- about 60 granny squares for the Mario blanket (Christmas gift)
- cat toys
- 2 washcloths

That's a lotta stuff! I think probably the most I've ever made in a month, especially factoring in the blankets. I started them so early because they are Christmas blankets and I didn't want to be struggling to finish right before the holiday. Boom, done within 3 weeks! September is looking to be busy too. Trying to get more Christmas gifts made. I'm also doing a fair amount of cross stitching, which is a nice change. I almost think I needed it after all of that hooking.

Some peeks-

I rarely make things for myself so this tablet sleeve (and the pretty granny square bag above) was a real treat for me.

Preemie hats for the hospital.

 

 

 Miss Mae seems to love her bow hats. I think they're very flapper-esque.

More stuff for me! Fingerless gloves in the making, to match my bag.

 

 

I'm almost excited to see summer winding down and chillier weather approaching so that we can wear our fancy new crocheted stuff. Almost. 

Going Ons

We are enjoying our summer. Coming up on the last few weeks with the first born home from school. The weather is not exactly favorable with all the rain we've had but at least it's not hot as balls anymore. Sometimes the humidity is enough to make you suffocate though. Still. Even with the rain we still play outside. You can't keep us indoors for long!

There is much gardening and harvesting. We planted new carrots and some peas. We have a steady supply of delicious cucumbers that are the most cucumbery thing I've ever tasted. Amazing tomatoes, a few zucchini. Still waiting to see if any melons will happen, so far they are just blossoming. I have some new seeds in from a fabulous Etsy shop, Sheltering Woods, that I am so excited about. I've enjoyed this garden, our very first. I've learned a lot and it has been such a therapy.

Things have been quite productive actually. I have a few new things in the Etsy shop. I've started working on birthday and Christmas gifts. Crocheting along whenever I can. My favorite things I've made so far have been a Bower Bird hoop from Attic 24 for my Mama and some little dolls customized to resemble my daughter and niece (for Christmas, shhhh don't tell them). I am finding so much joy in this craft lately. More than usual. Which is nice after my brief but jarring couple of months where the very thought of crocheting made me anxious.

I got myself a hoop as well and I plan on making us a sweet little Bower Bird for our wall soon. It was so fun to make.

School supply shopping is in our very near future. I can't believe summer vacation is nearly over. Less than a month.

One Year

One year ago we started trying to conceive. It has been rough. Patchy. Living in a limbo that we can't seem to get out of. I've watched many friends try to get pregnant months after we started to and they are all now a quarter of the way or more into healthy pregnancies. It's hard to witness that and feel the pangs of jealousy and sadness and also show my total happiness for them.

This is a week of hard things. Losses and anniversaries. On Monday it will have been a year since my cat Blueberry died. We had been dear friends since I was 11 years old and he was there with me through many times, good and bad. He is deeply missed. One year since my dad relapsed again and drank alcohol. One year since our last loss. One year of trying to get pregnant. It's difficult but I am adopting the word Hope as my number 1.

I have so much to be happy about. I'm working hard on my little etsy shop. I'm working hard on being a good mom. The kids and I are having so much fun reading and soaking up summertime. Currently we are reading Harry Potter and preparing for our favorite book stores Harry Potter birthday party at the end of the month. I've started working on Christmas gifts. We have added some sweet pet additions to our family that the kids are smitten with and we are talking of adding more and more. The first born and I dream of having some turtles and a snake and hermit crabs and rabbits.

It is a season of remembrance but sometimes that can bring out the light in you. I'm trying to let my light shine. I am throwing myself into my pagan spirituality and into my crafting. I am feeling the blessings.

There is so much to love and so much be happy about. All I have to do is go through my photos to remind myself of that.

And our newest additions- The Fish of Boe and Sandshoes the aquatic frog. There is a Doctor Who theme, yes. Boe is still checking Sandshoes out but they seem to be getting along swimmingly. I'm sorry, I had to. If you can pun, do.

Fertility

This blog was meant to be about everything. All of the stuff I want to remember. Mostly it's about crafts and cooking. My kids. Our home. But there are lots of parts that make up a life. Briefly I mentioned trying to get pregnant again. It has been weighing heavily on my heart lately and I feel like writing it out will be therapeutic.

We have been trying to get pregnant for nearly a year. On July 11th we'll hit that year mark. I've had 1 doctor's appointment in this time. The reason for the appointment was because after having my IUD removed 6 months before this I still hadn't had a single period. Random bleeding and spotting, but no real cycles. No ovulation. There were some blood tests, I was told that my insulin levels are slightly elevated and that metformin would probably be beneficial, so I've been taking that daily and within a month I had my first period. Progress! It was such a burden lifted.

In that time, the past 6 months, I've had a period every month and it's nice to finally have some sort of cycle. But through ovulation predictor strips and temping I've seen that I'm only ovulating about half the time, which is hard. My periods are also irregular. Sometimes only 25 days between them, sometimes 30. Most recently it was just 2 weeks between cycles. There's a lot of spotting mid cycles, my periods are way too light, my luteal phase is way too short. Only 6 days at the longest. Not great for baby making.

The year mark is coming up and another doctor visit at the end of July. Hopefully we'll get more answers. July 11th will be hard.

I'm diagnosed at this point with secondary infertility. It's hard to really put words into how that feels. I think I've always had fertility issues but never owned up to it, and that's part of what we will discuss with the doctor in July. Secondary infertility is... lonely. And guilt ridden. I have been told that I'm selfish. I've been told I should just wait it out and it will happen. I've been told to relax and it will happen on its own. These things are pretty common comments from what I understand. Many women facing fertility issues listen to these sharp remarks that can really cut you to the quick, despite the fact that I see articles, lists and memes almost daily that provide information on why that sort of remark is not appropriate or helpful and is actually quite hurtful.

To be told that you are selfish to want more kids is so ridiculous. First of all, my uterus has nothing to do with your opinions so keep your topic of conversation away from my reproductive organs. Secondly, having children, raising children, caring for children, is one of the most selfless things anyone can do. It's hard work and if I didn't really want more I doubt I'd be going through all of these tests to get them. Another crappy and borderline cruel thing to say- that by wanting more kids I don't appreciate the ones that I have. I love my kids so much that I want 10 more just like them. They make me the happiest. My fertility issues have nothing to do with how I am as a mother. I am still amazing at that and I still love my kids unconditionally and strive to better myself as a parent.

The rest of those comments- let me just say that when you have fertility problems and are going through tests and tracking ovulation and crying every month when your period comes. When you are told that something is WRONG with your body and that you need help getting pregnant. There is no amount of resting and relaxing and waiting that will help. Something is physically wrong with you. A vacation isn't a magic solution in most cases. It is probably said with lovely intentions, but it's actually really sucky to hear over and over. If I could just take a bubble bath and then get pregnant, I would have been knocked up months ago.

This has been the hardest journey of my life and in a lot of ways I feel like it's just starting. It is lonely. Not a lot of people understand. It is especially lonely to have children and go through infertility. Everything in my life is a constant reminder of kids. The people that should be supportive are often just condescending and believe that somehow me having children lessens the pain of not having a properly functioning reproductive system. It's a daily struggle. If you have someone that you love that is struggling with this, just tell them that you are there to listen. Don't try to give advice because there isn't anything you can say that will kick start their ovaries. Listen to them. Offer to give them a shoulder when they need it. That's love.

In a funk

For a few weeks I just haven't felt that joy from crocheting. I've been so busy and also sick from my asthma and overwhelmed. It hasn't felt fun and even the thought of crocheting made me anxious.

I feel like I'm getting out of that. A lot of it was feeling unprepared but I feel better now. More confident and happy with my choices.

I picked up the hook a few days ago and started working on a dress idea for Miss Mae. Originally I'd intended this design to end up on this thrifted pink shirt.

 

But as the color choices came together I realized that I didn't love it. So I bought a fire engine red shirt and it.was.amazing. I love the combo.

 

So tada!

 

 

There is nothing fancy about it. It's simple, sweet, muted. The red is the star.

 

I simply made some 2 round granny squares. Seven in all to fit around my girl. Then I did a round of double crochet around each square and attached them and did a double crochet border on the top and bottom. The sleeves are also double crochet. I used a cotton yarn to reduce the stretching.

 

After all of that was done I just cut the top off of a large tshirt and attached my crochet creation to it with elastic thread. It worked out beautifully.

 

I already have another skein of a pretty magenta cotton to go with that pink shirt and I'll be making up another dress this week.

 

 

It's so simple and easy. I'm happy to be at it again.