Fertility

This blog was meant to be about everything. All of the stuff I want to remember. Mostly it's about crafts and cooking. My kids. Our home. But there are lots of parts that make up a life. Briefly I mentioned trying to get pregnant again. It has been weighing heavily on my heart lately and I feel like writing it out will be therapeutic.

We have been trying to get pregnant for nearly a year. On July 11th we'll hit that year mark. I've had 1 doctor's appointment in this time. The reason for the appointment was because after having my IUD removed 6 months before this I still hadn't had a single period. Random bleeding and spotting, but no real cycles. No ovulation. There were some blood tests, I was told that my insulin levels are slightly elevated and that metformin would probably be beneficial, so I've been taking that daily and within a month I had my first period. Progress! It was such a burden lifted.

In that time, the past 6 months, I've had a period every month and it's nice to finally have some sort of cycle. But through ovulation predictor strips and temping I've seen that I'm only ovulating about half the time, which is hard. My periods are also irregular. Sometimes only 25 days between them, sometimes 30. Most recently it was just 2 weeks between cycles. There's a lot of spotting mid cycles, my periods are way too light, my luteal phase is way too short. Only 6 days at the longest. Not great for baby making.

The year mark is coming up and another doctor visit at the end of July. Hopefully we'll get more answers. July 11th will be hard.

I'm diagnosed at this point with secondary infertility. It's hard to really put words into how that feels. I think I've always had fertility issues but never owned up to it, and that's part of what we will discuss with the doctor in July. Secondary infertility is... lonely. And guilt ridden. I have been told that I'm selfish. I've been told I should just wait it out and it will happen. I've been told to relax and it will happen on its own. These things are pretty common comments from what I understand. Many women facing fertility issues listen to these sharp remarks that can really cut you to the quick, despite the fact that I see articles, lists and memes almost daily that provide information on why that sort of remark is not appropriate or helpful and is actually quite hurtful.

To be told that you are selfish to want more kids is so ridiculous. First of all, my uterus has nothing to do with your opinions so keep your topic of conversation away from my reproductive organs. Secondly, having children, raising children, caring for children, is one of the most selfless things anyone can do. It's hard work and if I didn't really want more I doubt I'd be going through all of these tests to get them. Another crappy and borderline cruel thing to say- that by wanting more kids I don't appreciate the ones that I have. I love my kids so much that I want 10 more just like them. They make me the happiest. My fertility issues have nothing to do with how I am as a mother. I am still amazing at that and I still love my kids unconditionally and strive to better myself as a parent.

The rest of those comments- let me just say that when you have fertility problems and are going through tests and tracking ovulation and crying every month when your period comes. When you are told that something is WRONG with your body and that you need help getting pregnant. There is no amount of resting and relaxing and waiting that will help. Something is physically wrong with you. A vacation isn't a magic solution in most cases. It is probably said with lovely intentions, but it's actually really sucky to hear over and over. If I could just take a bubble bath and then get pregnant, I would have been knocked up months ago.

This has been the hardest journey of my life and in a lot of ways I feel like it's just starting. It is lonely. Not a lot of people understand. It is especially lonely to have children and go through infertility. Everything in my life is a constant reminder of kids. The people that should be supportive are often just condescending and believe that somehow me having children lessens the pain of not having a properly functioning reproductive system. It's a daily struggle. If you have someone that you love that is struggling with this, just tell them that you are there to listen. Don't try to give advice because there isn't anything you can say that will kick start their ovaries. Listen to them. Offer to give them a shoulder when they need it. That's love.

In a funk

For a few weeks I just haven't felt that joy from crocheting. I've been so busy and also sick from my asthma and overwhelmed. It hasn't felt fun and even the thought of crocheting made me anxious.

I feel like I'm getting out of that. A lot of it was feeling unprepared but I feel better now. More confident and happy with my choices.

I picked up the hook a few days ago and started working on a dress idea for Miss Mae. Originally I'd intended this design to end up on this thrifted pink shirt.

 

But as the color choices came together I realized that I didn't love it. So I bought a fire engine red shirt and it.was.amazing. I love the combo.

 

So tada!

 

 

There is nothing fancy about it. It's simple, sweet, muted. The red is the star.

 

I simply made some 2 round granny squares. Seven in all to fit around my girl. Then I did a round of double crochet around each square and attached them and did a double crochet border on the top and bottom. The sleeves are also double crochet. I used a cotton yarn to reduce the stretching.

 

After all of that was done I just cut the top off of a large tshirt and attached my crochet creation to it with elastic thread. It worked out beautifully.

 

I already have another skein of a pretty magenta cotton to go with that pink shirt and I'll be making up another dress this week.

 

 

It's so simple and easy. I'm happy to be at it again.

 

 





A Splash of Color

Still chugging along in Miss Mae's room and it's coming along really beautifully. I am pretty much in love with her room. It could be because it's the only nearly finished room in the house or because it's pretty. Or both.

Over the weekend I decided that her dresser would be the next thing knocked off of my list. It was going from a pale green ,which is the color it has been since she was born, to a bright aqua.

The before!

 

I simply covered the knobs with painters tape instead of removing them.

I used this spray paint and loved it. Dreamy. Goes on beautifully. The 2x is my new bff. I'm writing love notes in my journal to this spray paint. I bought 2 cans and only needed most of 1. Previously I've used regular spray paint on this dresser and it has taken nearly 2 full cans. So, kudos to you, spray paint friend. The color is aqua.

TA-DA! Almost.

 

So this dresser was going right back to its original spot and I wanted to make that little nook more interesting. I've seen some cute poster board flower type stuff and I thought hey, how hard could it be. Turns out, it's even easier than I expected.

 

The gist! I took my post board which was like 40 cents and drew some different sizes of a simple pointy edged oval shape over and over. I didn't really care so much about making it perfect because I figured in the cutting stage I could change things a bit with the blades if I wanted. Make the ends pointier and such.

 

I cut those suckers out and painted just the tips with red or yellow paint.

And then just using some painters tape I arranged them on the wall in a pleasing fashion. I started making a smallish circle with some smaller petals and then worked out from that in all directions.

End result- fabulous. Super cheap (if you had to get all of the supplies it would cost around 3 bucks), pretty, easy, quick and eye catching while also being laid back and not too in your face. Alice calls it her wall star.



Throw it all together and you get-

TA DA FOR REAL THIS TIME!

Some of the details on the dresser- frame for 1 dollar from Michael's, mason jar painted and used as a vase, some free baby's breath from a wedding.

I decided to outfit the frame with some notebook paper and I'll change the message willy nilly. Currently it has one of my favorite lines ever.

A basket that I crocheted a while back that houses all of Mayhem's play jewelry, a thrifted owl cutie.

I am considering changing out the knobs on her dresser in the future. We'll see!

So that is it in her room for this second! I think painting her closet will be next. Her room is the most finished and it's so inspiring to have a room that looks just about done. Definitely motivates me to work hard on other rooms!

And in other news- the first born graduated preschool last night. He was a doll. I cried. It was good times.