Well, it has been a while since I wrote about our 2nd round of Clomid. My last update was about going in for the blood work. We've since got the results back and it's not good news.
Round 2 didn't work. Which, I suspected it wouldn't. I don't really know why. Maybe I was being realistic or maybe I just had some sort of intuition. My ovaries stayed stubborn, my progesterone didn't rise and I didn't ovulate.
It was a big bummer. I was okay at first and then I had a nice long crying spell and now I am still sad but... it is what it is, right? I can't change it now. I did everything I could and it didn't work. So we move on.
Moving on is kind of the hard part. My NP can't give me any more medication. She has to send me off to her doctor now. From what I know at this point he'll want to do another round of 100mg Clomid and see if that helps, if not he'll probably try me on a different medication.
Right now I don't really want to do anything else. Husband and I have talked at length about this and we think the best option for us is to take a break for the rest of the year. I'm trying to decide if I want to go on birth control and see if that will help regulate my cycle a little bit or if I just want to keep off meds altogether until January or so and make an appointment with the doctor then.
The break is for a few reasons. There's money, for one. Infertility isn't cheap. I kind of would rather be buying Christmas gifts than paying to be jabbed with needles every month. And then there's how hard this has been on me emotionally. I have really struggled. I'm at a point now where I can be happy for most people when they announce they are pregnant and still feel okay being sad for myself. I've worked hard to get here. I don't want to fall back into being jealous or angry. And frankly, I'm just tired of being sad all the time. Trying to get pregnant is just a constant, daily reminder that I am messed up somehow and can't get knocked up. Daily prenatals, doctor visits once a month, blood work, I can't take Advil, etc. I think taking a break from being reminded that I'm infertile would be nice.
The nurse has said she thinks it could help my cycles and that in a lot of cases women go on birth control for 3 months and get off of it and immediately get pregnant. I'm not holding my breath for THAT but doing something productive to regulate my cycles seems promising, at the very least.
So anywho... that's that. The update. Nothing worked. We're pretty sure we know where we're going with this next. It's hard and it feels like taking a step backward and it's really difficult to think that we'll be purposefully preventing pregnancy and we won't have a chance of getting pregnant this year, but it feels like the best choice right now in the few that we've been given.
I am sending so much love to everyone out there struggling with fertility. I hope you get your miracle soon. Sister on.
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