Waiting

I feel like my whole life is spent waiting around lately. No matter how much I try to stay in the moment or spend my time doing fun things like little trips with the family and crocheting something new, in the back of my mind I am counting down cycle days and doing math to see how long since my last Provera pill.

It has been 9 days since I finished Provera. It was supposed to get my period started so that I could make the trip to the doctor for the fun internal examination of my ovaries and a possible prescription for Clomid. The nurse said my period would start 2-10 days later. I know I'm still in the sweet spot and it could start any second but as my 4 year old would say, waiting is hard.

I feel heavy all the time. Heavy with waiting and hoping and feeling like hoping is just dumb at this point. Even though I pray and hope and try to be a beaming light of positivity and unicorns and rainbow sprinkles, I really just want to give my uterus the finger or smack her around and tell her to get her shit together because this is just getting ridiculous. And why NOW. Why after I finally get to see the doctors? Wait until then to start being crazy. That's totally fine. Go ahead and bleed me almost to death and then go dry as the Sahara. I can finally get help but not unless my uterus decides to shed and she isn't having it.

Wishing and hoping and waiting. Nothing can keep me busy enough. Who wishes for a period? This girl. I want cramps SO BAD. I've got the Midol ready to go. Every wishing well I am throwing a penny in. Every eyelash gets a wish. I am anxiously waiting on my birthday next Wednesday because I am going to wish so hard. Harder than I have ever wished before. Please please please. Please make my uterus act nicely. Please make me healthy. Please fill this hole in our life. Please give us a baby.

My kid asked me on Friday 'mommy, are you having a baby?' and I said no honey and she just sighed sadly. I felt the little bit of hope in me crumble. I can't keep the faith alive if I can't even get my uterus to do what it's supposed to do. We can't go any further if I can't even get a period started. I feel like I'm failing. I'm constantly at battle with myself. That's something I think a lot of people don't understand about infertility. The intense feeling that you are so messed up and you can't do anything right. You can't even do what you are biologically meant to do. Most of the time I can push that stuff aside. But lately... it's right there all the time taunting me and making me feel awful about myself. I feel like a failure.

Waiting waiting waiting. Wishing wishing wishing. Please please please. To sum up-

Our Day in Charleston

Charleston, South Carolina is a gorgeous place. If you haven't had the pleasure of visiting, do! The great thing about South Carolina is that everything is just a short drive away. We can be at the mountains in 3 hours or the coast in 3 hours. This time we chose the coast.

Charleston is freaking gorgeous, y'all. And chock full of history. It's not just the beach you want to hit up, although every single beach is beautiful and the little beach towns are super fun. Visit the historical sites! For us, we started our day off at The Battery. It's a fortified seawall right where the Cooper River and Ashley River meet. Right behind it is White Point Garden- a huge garden full of giant oaks and oyster shell covered pathways.

After walking around for a while, Alice decided a potty break was of the upmost importance so we headed out. Not missing Rainbow Row, a row of perfectly colored gorgeous rainbow houses, on our way through town.

Next stop (for potty break and because it looked cool) was Candy Kitchen. Holy cow. This is candy heaven. Not only do they have barrels (yes, BARRELS) of candy and a whole wall of pick 'n mix but they also make their own everything. Giant candy apples, pralines, cookies, chocolate covered marshmallows. Anything and everything delicious.

We bought a bag of salt water taffy and a bag of pick 'n mix and we're still enjoying them now.

Next we walked through the Charleston Market and ate lunch at Bumba Gump Shrimp Co. I'm not a seafood liker but they had some non-seafood options and the chicken sandwich I got was amazeballs.

The trip ended at the beach where we spent a few hours hanging out, building a sand castle, looking for shells and mostly enjoying the huge waves and cool water. It was a hot day and that water felt awesome. This spawn of mine are definitely water lovers like their mama. Alice is fearless. She wants to go deeper and deeper into the water. I finally had to put her on Husband's shoulders to save me from a heart attack. Oliver spent his time 'diving' and trying to jump over the smaller waves.

 It was a great day with my little family. A good mini get away. Even if it was so hot that I felt like I might melt. But it's the south so it's about time to get used to that for the next 2 months. Yesterday's heat index? One hundred and ten. Ain't nobody got time for that. We'll have to go back for another dive in the ocean soon to cool off.

The Ruth Lapghan

My husband works in a little office with a lady named Ruth. Recently Ruth found out she had cancer (for the 2nd time) and has been going through radiation treatments and I wanted to make her a little something to show that we are thinking of her. The birth of the Ruth Lapghan.

The Ruth Lapghan

V-stitch with Picot border

Colors- Impeccable Loops and Threads in Aran, Soft Fern and Forest

Size H hook



It's just a V-stitch blanket. Super easy. I made it as wide as my lap and from the floor to my belly button to give plenty of room for stuffing it under her feet if she wants.

The edging is as follows-

Single crochet around the entire blanket, putting 2 SC in each DC post on the sides and (2 SC, CH 1, 2 SC) in each corner. Slip stitch to join when you've gone all the way around. Then repeat the following- chain 2, SC into the 2nd chain from hook, slip stitch to the next stitch of the blanket, slip stitch in next stitch, SC in next stitch and chain 2, etc.

I really love this blanket and these colors. Olive green is her favorite color so I wanted to include that. After starting I realized that Peter's blanket had similar colors and the next blanket I'm making will have the same greens and cream! Popular colors. But since they are so pretty, it's no wonder.

Summer Summer Summertime

It's our first full week of Summer vacation!

To keep us on track and save myself some sanity and also because I am a planner at heart, I decided to take an idea I've seen around the interwebs and make it our own. Instead of going with the full 5 days of cute things to do every day, I decided to just do 3 because I jut can't be on my game every single day. So Tuesday and Friday are 'free days'.

First we have Make It Monday. Easy enough. Every Monday, we make something! Whether it's a craft, an outdoor project, a treat. We put our hands to good work.

Next is Wanderlust Wednesday. On Wednesday, we go somewhere. Mostly for us that will mean walking to one of 3 or 4 places near us. The park, the library, the ice cream shop. But we will be leaving the house!

Thursday is Thinking on Thursday. This is our school day, basically. Nothing heavy. Some easy review, some journal writing, some ABC Mouse.

Yesterday was our first Make it Monday!

Our first project was making our very own rock candy. It's kind of a process but we did the sugar melting part and getting the jars ready and the sticks for the candy ready before lunch, then ate our lunch and went back 30 minutes later after the sugar had cooled to pour it into our jars. Telling the kids it takes a week before they can eat it was pretty funny though.

 

Our other activity was writing letters to grandparents. I had Ollie write out a little note to each grandparent and then Alice drew them a little picture and signed her name. <3 We're going to mail these out this week and include one of Ollie's school pictures with each one.

I think we'll enjoy having a bit of a schedule to our days and knowing that certain days equal certain activities. So far so good, after one whole day.

So Long 1st Grade!

The first born finished his last day of 1st grade today. Hoorah! We're so excited for vacation and so proud of him and all the hard work he put into this school year.

I can really see in his sweet little face how he has grown up this year. And he's taller! Oh, how he grows and grows.

He has worked so hard. He really puts 100% into everything he does. His testing scores rose over 10 points which means in a very short amount of time (about a semester) he learned an entire grade's worth of material. Making him about a 3rd grade level in everything. Which kind of blows my mind! He has made Principal's honor roll every quarter. We're so so so so crazy proud of him and the effort he puts in and how much he loves his education. He's such a kind, compassionate, smart, amazing person. I love him to pieces.

Pizza and Chinese food tonight to celebrate summer vacation starting and all that our little man has accomplished! I can't wait for our summer adventures to start. Just as soon as it stops raining.

Summer Vacation Bucket List

There are only 3 more days of school this year, counting today. Holy cow. After Thursday Ollie is a free agent.

We went to his Field Day at school today, which was fun and annoying. Fun because it was hilarious to watch kids doing things like 3 legged races. Annoying because no one told me Alice wouldn't be allowed on the equipment so she felt left out and we had to leave early because it seemed mean to stay there and make her watch other kids play while she wasn't allowed. Oh well. Now I know for next year, at least. Although they probably could have told me that she couldn't play there all those times I mentioned how she and I would be coming to the school for Field Day. Maybe. Just a thought I had. What kid likes to be a spectator of bouncy house and water slide fun instead of partaking? I tried to make it up to her by getting ice cream on the way home and watching movies on the couch.

I did get some cute shots of Ollie being all sweaty and running around.

 

And now I'm thinking about what I want to spend our summer vacation on. I really want to have fun but not put too much pressure on myself. I thought coming up with a little list of my favorite ideas would be a good way to keep us on track without adding the mommy pressure.

I tried to add things we have never done or don't do often and things we can do just us 3 while Daddy is at work, like reading and making play dough and playing in sprinklers, and also things we can all do as a family on the weekends, like hiking and beach days. I'm still planning out our weeks and coming up with some fun schedules and outings.

I'm really excited for Summer! Especially now that I have a visual list of things to do. I love checking things off lists.

Mother to Bee

This weekend was my best friend's baby shower. This is her first baby and it's so amazing and sweet to welcome her into this club of motherhood. I can't wait to meet her little dude in a couple of months.

I co-hosted with her sister and it was a lot of fun! The theme was tied into what BFF had chosen for her nursery theme- honey bees. Mother to Bee! Her sister made the cake and the little baby carriage of fruit. Aren't they sweet?

We had lots of yummy food, some games and then gift opening. So many baby presents.

I'm so glad I got to spend her special day with her. I did have some pangs of sadness/jealousy but they rolled right off. It was all about the joy of a new baby boy who will be with us soon.