Friday, April 17, 2015

How I Deal With Negative Pregnancy Tests

There are going to be more negative than positive tests in most people's life time. Especially if your ovaries are confused. So what to do when the infamous Big Fat Negative symbol appears on your pee stick? Here's what I do-

  1. First of all, I let myself be sad. And sometimes that might last a while. An hour, a day, a week. I don't make myself rush it. I try not to drown in it but I definitely don't tell myself not to feel it. Holding it back only leads me to act crazy at some other point. It's also just easier to deal with other people's happy baby and pregnancy announcements (which seem never ending) when I am letting myself feel sad when I need to. That's an important word. NEED. I need to feel this way so that I can let it pass and then feel better.
  2. I treat myself. Or more accurately, Husband treats me. If I've had a bad day, he can be counted on to bring me a big steak home and smother it in onions and blue cheese. Or a bottle of wine or a chocolate pie. Or all 3.
  3. Get out. I'm 100% more likely to be miserable and angry and sad if I'm stuck at home. So we go out. We go to the craft store and I get some yarn. We get frozen yogurt or go out for dinner or go for a walk in the swamp.
  4. I am grateful. When it's really bad, and it usually is if I'm being honest, I remember that I'm blessed. I remember how easy it was to get pregnant with our accidental first born and I remember how happy I was when we got our positive test with our daughter after over 2 years off birth control. I remember that I had 2 healthy babies and I am lucky enough to have 2 gorgeous, robust, wild children.
  5. I talk about it. It's not always easy because often it seems people are very uncomfortable with the subject of failed pregnancies or infertility and I've come into contact with a lot of assholes who made me feel like I wasn't allowed to take up space and feel my own feelings. I do try to be open though. Even if it's just with my husband. I know that if I can get some of it off my chest, I can feel better faster.
  6. I remember hope. This is not always easy. I am a Debbie downer. Anxiety girl. I assume the worst. Sometimes it means opening up to someone, sometimes it means opening pinterest and looking at hopeful quotes, sometimes it means visiting some infertility sites and listening to happy endings. It is hard to have hope because you get a lot more crushed when you're positive and looking for the best. Negativity, or 'realism' as I like to call it when referring to myself, is chain mail that we don to protect our spirits from what we feel is inevitable. It gets so heavy. Hope lifts us up. It's like tying balloons to our heart strings.
This infertility stuff isn't easy and it toughens you right up. It also breaks you down monthly and makes you spill your guts out all over the floor. It's helpful to know yourself and to know how to best bandage it all back up.

Baby dust and blessings.

No comments:

Post a Comment